Scene: Inside the production offices of Fox Atomic. Two executives are meeting with producer Peter Abrams to discuss upcoming projects.
Suit #1: So, Peter, first off congrats on that second Van Wilder movie The Rise of Taj. I didn't think any actor could be funnier than Ryan Reynolds, but that Kal Penn guy...I'm telling you, he's the Indian Dane Cook.
Peter Abrams: Hey, thanks a lot. We were a little nervous at first, but as soon as we shot that first close-up of the bulldog's giant schlong, we knew we had something special on our hands.
Suit #2 : You said it! And we're hoping that you and your regular collabos Andy and Bobby can bring that "something special" to Fox Atomic.
Suit #1: Here's the deal: Our bosses over at big Fox are looking for a quickie spoof that they can dump into theatres in the fourth quarter of ’07 between Epic Movie and Meet the Spartans. Have you heard about Meet the Spartans? It's gonna be this high-larious parody of 300 with Carmen Electra and Kevin Sorbo. That's right, freakin' Hercules playing a freakin' Spartan! Too perfect, right?
Suit #2: Too cool, too cool. So, listen, do you have any ideas for a genre we can spoof? It seems like all the good ideas have been taken—Scary Movie, Date Movie, Epic Movie.
Peter Abrams: What about War Movie?
Suit #1: No good—war doesn't appeal to our demo unless you're talking about World of Warcraft.
Peter Abrams: Superhero Movie?
Suit #2: Friggin' Weinsteins already stole that idea.
Peter Abrams: Man, this is tough!
Suit #1: I know, right? Here, let's do this—what were you watching on TV last night?
Peter Abrams: That Marky Mark flick where he's a football player.
Suit #1: Perfect! There you go, a football spoof.
Peter Abrams: Hasn't that been done?
Suit #2 [buzzing his secretary]: Julie! Google the last football spoof.
Julie: Necessary Roughness, 1991.
Suit #1: 1991? That's like a whole century ago! We've got our movie!
Suit #2: Hey Julie, what other football movies have been made since then?
Julie: Radio, Rudy, Remember the Titans, Varsity Blues, Invincible, Friday Night Lights...
Suit #1: Pete, you writing these down?
Peter Abrams: I'm adding them all to my Netflix queue right now. This movie is just going to write itself, no sweat.
Suit #2: So what are we thinking story-wise? Give us a thumbnail sketch.
Peter Abrams: Well, these movies are all about losers who become winners. So to spoof that, our movie will be about losers who stay losers.
Suit #1: But they still win in the end, right?
Peter Abrams: Uh...I think that would kind of go against the whole spoof idea.
Suit #2: Pete, we appreciate your commitment to truth in art and all that, but research shows that our demo doesn't like losing.
Peter Abrams: But...
Suit #1: Just think about it, that's all we ask. Now, let's talk gags.
Peter Abrams: Well, I was thinking that we should call the radio guy something else, cause who listens to radio anymore? I was thinking XM or Sirius...
Suit #2: No, no. Two words: I. Pod.
Suit #1: Brilliant. Get a little of that Apple money in this picture!
Peter Abrams: Done. And then for Remember the Titans, I thought it would be funny to have our team play a team called the Titans and then we cut to two guys in the bleachers asking each other whether or not they remember them.
Suit #2: Too funny! Our demo is going to be screaming.
Suit #1: Don't forget that you need some hot girls in there too.
Peter Abrams: Got that covered. Remember that Bend It Like Beckham movie? Let's have an Indian girl with mad soccer skills join the team as the field-goal kicker.
Suit #2: That's so subtle, because soccer is called football overseas, right? So it's a joke that works on two levels.
Suit #1: That's the kind of sensibility we expect from the guys behind Employee of the Month. Now this Indian girl will show some T&A, right? I don't want to see any of those long, flowing gowns.
Peter Abrams: Don't worry, there'll be boobs all over this movie. I also want to throw in a random and completely unmotivated musical number, because it's a great way to kill time. What ’80s power ballads can we get for cheap?
Suit #2: I hear that Foreigner is paying people to use “I Want to Know What Love Is.”
Suit #1: Get out of here with that Foreigner crap. When you want an ’80s power ballad, there's only one choice—"Don't Stop Believing." If it's good enough for David Chase, it's damn well good enough for us.
Suit #2: You read my mind. Last order of business: casting. Who's our coach? Remember, we only want to work with the best here at Fox Atomic.
Peter Abrams: I'm thinking Vince Vaughn.
Suit #2: Think cheaper.
Peter Abrams: Steve Carell?
Suit #2: Cheaper.
Peter Abrams: Michael Keaton?
Suit #2: Cheaper and younger.
Peter Abrams: Uh...David Koechner?
[Blank stares from the suits]
Peter Abrams: He was like eighth-billed in Anchorman.
Suit #1: Will he work for scale?
Peter Abrams: For his first lead role? He'll work for beer.
Suit #2: I think we have our next Epic Movie here, gentlemen. Does it feel great to be on the cutting edge of American comedy or what?